It’s 11:24pm on the west coast, and I’m trying to find the motivation to do something.

Anything. Any project. Any small measure of positive movement that says “I am alive and I continue to defy entropy”.

Today, I have done many things. I’ve made food. I got dressed, went outside, and walked several kilometers. I bought toilet paper for a friend who couldn’t manage the trip to the store. I took all my meds, ate mostly healthily, and still I’m struggling tonight.

Earlier today I had a bout with self deprecation that I mentioned on Twitter. I want to code things. I want to create stuff, anything really.

I just don’t have the motivation today. There’s a black hole where my motivation should be.

Today, I wasn’t healthy. I’m going to try again tomorrow though. Giving up isn’t an option.

Categorised as: unfiled

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